Ponder.

I do wonder and ponder life's many mysteries from time to time. But, not for too long, because guess what, I can't figure them out. I am a control freak, and i love having things in order and calculated. But life, is an ever moving game of Jenga. I don't know which block i'm pulling out, or what it's going to do. Is not doing my homework today, going to kill me tomorrow? Is sitting back and watch her smile going to save me, or pave the path for a road of loneliness. I don't know.

I can't understand death, not that i don't believe in it, but i pretend it's not real. I look at the news sometimes and wonder "why should i care?" and really, why should I? Some poor child dies of hunger, how does that affect me? Sometimes I actually open my eyes and see why I should care, because this kid, who i've never met, might be my best friend someday, or even save my life. I don't watch the news very much, or the weather for that matter. Why learn about something and try to prepare for it, then just sit back and trust that god has your back?

My friend's grandpa was in the hospital last night, and when i asked her how she trusted god so much she said " well, i got nothing better to trust, he's it and he has a plan for all of us" how cool is that, that someone can put the life of a loved one in the hands of god, and just sit back. Maybe i should just fall back into god's hands and trust that he's going to take care of me, because that man did live, and I am still wondering how.

But, at the end of the day, i need to smile. Even if everything's not alright, why not just put a smile on your face, and actually do something about it. You never know when a person see's your smile, and they go off feeling better for seeing another human being so happy, even though they're going through so much. It gives them hope, and without hope, well we'd just be in the dark.